“This is a window” into the thoughts of Neil Kagerer
Neil and Xzavier talking queer things on Season 02 of The Modern Queer Podcast - Photos by 810Migo
FLINT, MI — This conversation takes place inside Wav Village Studio’s podcast on the evening after episode 6 was recorded.
Xzavier: We just wrapped up episode 6, and now it’s a good time to ask. Why did you even apply for the position? [laughs]
Neil: “When you told me that you were going to talk with me for the first episode, I was thinking, what am I going to do? How am I going to be a little feisty? What am I going to ask? And you were like, come with whatever you want to talk about. I’ve always wanted to do a podcast, so I’m going to ask if he needs a co-host. First, it was jokingly, but then when you were like, I’ve thought about it, I was like, okay. So that also solidified for me if you want something, ask.”
Xzavier: How are you feeling? Have some of the things you envisioned, have they manifested themselves, or are there things you want to happen?
Neil: “I feel really good. For me, this is a fun thing to do. I’ve got other things on my plate, like graduating in May. If I had more time to sit down and do stuff, I’d be asking questions and want to implement more structure into it. For the past five years, I’ve done facilitation for programs, so I’m good at managing conversations and pulling out the things that we need. But overall, it’s been an amazing experience, and I appreciate you taking the chance. I don’t think you realize that I’m being introduced to people I would not have been introduced to.”
Xzavier, Jazlynn, Neil after episode 4.
Xzavier: Naw, I recognize it. [laughs] But it’s the same thing on the flip side. You know people I don’t know, like Jazlynn, and that was a fun conversation. So what has been a moment that’s stuck with you so far?
Neil: “[Episode 6] for sure. In the beginning, I didn’t know both of them. But then I’m like, okay, I’m the co-host of this podcast, I’ve got to ask them questions. One of the major things is the kind of conversations that we have. That’s what stimulates me. In the back of my head, I always have wanted to talk about the human experience, and I think we do that. We can bullshit and play around, but we can get serious. So I’ve enjoyed contributing to that, and that’s so cool to be able to do.”
Xzavier: You know, I like that you have your personality, and you bring it like today.
Neil: So, what are things that I’m doing good and things you’d like to see from me.
Xzavier: “I like that you want to be a part of this, and you’re putting effort into it. You’re adding flavor, and you, too, are bringing a new group of people into this space. You’re bringing queerness to another level and adding that extra richness because queerness isn’t monolithic, and you come from a whole different culture. On the flip side, I have no criticisms, but I am interested to see how you lean into those conversations where people start to reveal themselves in a vulnerable way. I don’t know when or who will bring that, but I’m curious to see how you move in that environment when it happens.”
When all of this is edited, and we start rolling, what are you expecting to see from yourself?
Neil: “I know from the first episode I was overcompensating. It’s difficult in the college setting because there’s a way that you’re taught to have a conversation and do stuff. And to remind myself that I’m separate from that, but being conscious of like this can impact how I’m perceived. I battle with that sometimes. There’s only so much I can control with people’s perceptions of me. I’m thinking about my reputation.”
Xzavier: Thank you for telling me that because I know how I am. I’m like fuck it, and then I’m gone. Has any of this made you uncomfortable in any way?
Neil: “I think there have been some things that have been said that I don’t agree with it. I also have to separate myself like people are going to have their fucking opinions, and we’re not going to hash it out in a fucking hour-long podcast. I’m just going to say I don’t agree with that or this is my perspective. That’s what I’ve learned doing the work that I do. Dialogue is a thing, and it doesn’t have to be a debate. Reputation wise I think there’s going to be a little bit of growing pains.”
Xzavier: I can see that. [laughs]
Neil: “I don’t think many people have seen me or heard me say the things that I say in this podcast. I know there are spaces and places I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb, but I’m going to try my best to be a part of the conversation. But they’re coming on this podcast, and they should know what they’re coming for. When we look at queerness culturally, I might present myself differently, but that adds to the conversation. I think what we just did here, people’s perceptions are completely different now.”
Xzavier: This also makes me think about the level of queerness people have been exposed to. Many people, especially in Flint, haven’t been exposed to it as directly as this.
Neil: “Men that present hyper-masculine I tend to ward away from because that was never a good experience for growing me. But this is also helping. I think we both have perceptions, but when we meet at this table, we’re like, I see what’s going on. We can talk about gay stuff. We can talk about pussy, and I haven’t talked about pussy that much in I don’t know when.”
Xzavier: Neither have I. [laughs] How do you think your family will respond to this.
Neil: “I know some of my family and friends are gonna watch it. For a long time, I think people see me as an actual human being and not this perfect robotic thing that accomplishes everything, does everything, doesn’t struggle, and has problems. I think this is a window to that.”
You find Neil co-hosting Season 02 of The Modern Queer Podcast currently in production. To learn more about him, you can follow him via Instagram and read his Modern Queer Magazine volume here.
